Thursday, July 26, 2007

downward love flow

there's a very subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) temptation i have as a parent. i'm tempted to want relational love from my kids. i'm tempted to expect my kids to show ME love, meet MY needs, take care of ME. i want the flow of relationship and love to flow UP from child to parent.

i know, it's weird. but i'm positive i'm not the only one. i see it all around:
~ i've seen it in the boomer generation's frustration that their parents don't pursue relationship with them.
~ i've seen it each time an aunt tries to make a kid give them a hug or show affection. (and then shames them when they don't do it.)
~ i've heard of more radical family messes where the children are confidants to their parents.

i don't think it's just me. if it was, that'd be ok too. i can own my stuff ;)

the goal for me...to be the pursuer, to be the one who takes the initiative, who shows my kids love. and i'm not talking just about lovey-dovey stuff....instructing and coaching my kids when i don't feel like entering in again is love too.

i see this in the scriptures. in the proverbs, we see a father taking initiative with this son to train and coach. he's taking initiative. in titus, i see the older men and women being the impetus for relationship and coaching to the younger people.

so the flow of love is downward, not upward. i'd expect that when my kids are adults, there might be some flow back. but i'm not going to stop thinking that initiative goes from parent to child until i'm too old to take care of myself. i'd imagine that the flow would look different in different phases or life and circumstances in relationship with my children. but i want to be the headwaters, not expect them to.

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